How to Deepen Conflict in 4 Easy Steps

Arguments aren’t just about what we say. They’re about how we make the other person feel. And often, we rely on dismissive, passive-aggressive responses that make resolution impossible—turning disagreements into dead-ends rather than breakthroughs.

Here are four phrases that may seem harmless (even polite) but actually invalidate the other person’s experience, making it impossible to move forward.

1. "You’re overreacting."

Translation: Your emotions are not valid, and I’m not interested in hearing more about them.

This phrase instantly shuts down the conversation. It implies that the other person’s feelings are exaggerated or irrational, rather than being a genuine reaction to the situation. When someone hears this, their natural response isn’t to calm down—it’s to either withdraw or fight harder to be heard. Neither option leads to resolution.

What to say instead: “I see this is really upsetting for you. Can you tell me more about why?”

2. "Only you feel that way."

Translation:

This one adds an extra layer of isolation, suggesting that the person’s perspective isn’t shared by anyone else, making them feel unreasonable. It dismisses their emotions as an outlier case that doesn’t deserve attention. The result? The argument gets stuck because one person is left defending their right to feel in the first place.

What to say instead: “I might see it differently, but I understand why this bothers you. Let’s talk about it.”

3. "I’m sorry if you feel that way."

Translation: Your emotions are the problem, not my actions.

This is a classic non-apology. It doesn’t acknowledge any responsibility or wrongdoing—it simply expresses regret that the other person feels bad. Instead of validating their concerns, it subtly shifts the blame onto them for reacting in the first place.

What to say instead: “I’m sorry that what I said/did hurt you. That wasn’t my intention.”

4. "Are you thinking about that again?"

Translation: Why can’t you just drop this already?

This phrase makes the other person feel like they’re nagging or holding a grudge when, in reality, they’re bringing up an unresolved issue. If someone keeps returning to the same problem, it’s usually because it hasn’t been properly addressed. Dismissing their concerns as repetitive doesn’t solve anything—it just guarantees they’ll keep bringing it up.

What to say instead: “I didn’t realize this was still bothering you. Let’s talk about what we can do to fix it.”

The Real Reason These Phrases Hurt

All of these responses have one thing in common: they subtly blame the person who’s upset rather than addressing the issue at hand. They suggest that the real problem isn’t the disagreement itself—it’s that one person keeps bringing it up. But conflicts don’t magically disappear just because we invalidate them. They resurface, again and again, until they’re properly acknowledged and worked through.

If you want to actually resolve an argument, the key is to listen. Drop the dismissive phrases, ask real questions, and acknowledge the other person’s feelings. A little effort goes a long way—because when people feel heard, they’re far more likely to meet you halfway.